Reading, Writing, Rating... Books

Top Ten

Basically a section about reason to and not to do random things. With partial (occasional) commentary from Kiri! (And it's in italics! XD) Also, Renzo! Later.

Top Ten Reasons NOT to Go to School

10) PHYSICS!!! (We still lvoe you, Mr. Science Teacher Man... It's the subject you teach that strikes out hearts with fear...)

Kiri: Uh, yeah, he's a really funny dude... The tests just aren't so funny.

Jess: *remembers last physics test grade* *cringe*

9) You have to actually do things like... WALK (ack! exercise!) and go to... CLASS (the horror!)

Kiri: Okay, walking you can do in other places. It's not just the school building that we do this. Yeah, but classes are here. Unless you were homeschooled. Or take online classes. So technically that's everywhere, too.

8) Starts too early, ends too late.

Kiri: Can you imagine being trapped here in boarding school? ...It never ends... DUNN DUNN DUNN!!

7) Come on. Seven HOURS of learning? That's just stupid.

Kiri: Didn't we just talk about that?

Jess: No. We talked about ho- wait. Yeah. SO? NEXT! 

6) The fact that we have school FIVE days a week (count 'em!) instead of four days work, threes days laze.

Kiri: Yeah, they have six days in Japan. Add THAT to your list.

Jess: I believe in fairies, not THAT! That is a LIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Kiri: No. Wikipedia is a lie.

Jess: Your MOM'S a lie!!!!

Kiri: *ignores* Next question.

5) There's no free ice cream...

Kiri: There's no free anything. Not even knowledge. You have to pay for that.

Jess: There's free towels. Kind of.

Kiri: That's an exception.

Jess: ... YOU'RE an exception!


Kiri: *shakes head*

4) We're going to die in seventy years or so anyway...

Kiri: Yeah, but our children are gonna die. And that's in the really, really long run. (A/N: She means that our children are gonna die, but we still take care of them.)

3) Homework kills trees! Even eco-friendly homework!

Kiri: That sketchbook you have kills trees.


2) Because.

Kiri: I see why you're doing so well in English.

Jess: Is that SARCASM I hear?

Kiri: Nooooo, that is NOT sarcasm. That's my daily dose of fun.

1) Do we even really NEED a reason? Just go for a day. See for yourself. Mm-hmm.

Kiri: Wait, so who have we been talking to this whole time? We GO to school. Parents have BEEN to school. Are we instructing rabbits?

Jess: I have a cat named Rabbit. She's so cute. >.<

Renzo: Hey, that's MY reason.

Jess: *tactfully ignores* Next list, why don't we?

Top Ten Coolest Places in the World

10) Wonderland. Seriously. It exists. Just ask Alice.

Kiri: I was the Mad Hatter once.

Renzo: And I was Alice, once. That trip down the rabbit hole was NOT fun. I think I broke my heel. No, I did break my heel. Just kidding.

Jess: Thank you for that. My fingers are not broken. *sarcasm*

Renzo: (A/N: not worth typing)

9) England. Two words: British Accents!!!

Kiri: Never been. I hear it's pretty cool. And there's more than British accents.

8) Italy. Pizza. Gelato. Italian Stallions. *cat call*

Kiri: Did we just say stallions with a CAT CALL?

Renzo: Why isn't pasta there? Come on. Add pasta. ADD PASTA. 

7) France. Voulez-vous cou-? Never mind. I know what the song means. Well, at least they have really good bread. And there's the added plus that everything- EVERYTHING- sounds sexier in French. Trust me.

Renzo: Yeah, but what if you don't wanna sound sexy? You're trying to get this guy away, but your speaking in French?

Jess: Say it with a reeeeaaally BAD accent. French people hate it when you botch up their language. Or so I've heard.

Renzo: Like Steve Martin in the Pink Panther? Ohhhhh, I love Steve Martin. He's hilarious.

Jess: Minus Steve Martin, who so obviously failed his French Class.

6) Canada. They call homogenized milk HOMO MILK. XD GAY MILK!

5) Puerto Rico. Sand. Sea. Sun. Aaahhh... Even the BIRDS are relaxed.

4) The Bahamas. *starts singing* Aruba. Jamaica. Ooh, I wanna take ya...

3) Mexico. Je parle francais! Et toi? ...Oh. Wrong language.

2) New York City. ...Minus the rats...

1) Japan!

Top Ten Reasons Winter Break is the Best Part of the Year

10) No. School. Yesh...

Kiri: Why is that number ten?!

Renzo: I think that should be reason number one for all lists. Ever. For all reasons--no! For everything EVER.

9) No. Teachers. Double Yesh...

Kiri: ....

Renzo: That goes without saying! No school, no teachers. What, do you follow them around on the weekend? --DO YOU KNOW WHAT GROCERY STORES THEY GO TO?!

8) No. Homework. Triple Yesh...

Kiri: I never have homework anyway, so.

Renzo: Some teacher always sneaks something in. And that is pirated right from Gazelle.

7) No. Tests. Quizzes. Essays Due. In-Class Writngs. Quadruple Yesh.

Kiri: These aren't really great reasons.

Renzo: Seriously, get another reason! Like, snow, or something.

6) You remember that thing, that thing you only got on weekends? Well you get it everyday now. It's called sleep. THAT is a true YESSSSHHHH!!!! (with exclaimation points and extra letters! Oh, yes!)

Kiri: I never get sleep anyway. :D

Renzo: Is she missing her front teeth or something? Why can't she say her S's?

5) You don't have to see certain annoying teachers- until January 5th, that is.

Kiri: Didn't we go over this? Or do you still stalk them?

Renzo: I wish we could just get off once for my birthday. We could declare it a national holiday!

4) You can eat when you want, wake up when you want and sleep when you want. You can even do all three! (It's kind of hard, though...)

Kiri: ...can't we do that anyway? I mean, teachers might not like it, but we could still DO it...

Renzo: Why would you want to eat while you're sleeping? I feel like that could be really hazardous.

3) You have time for all those projects building up in your closet.

Kiri: I actually leave them on my desk, thank you.

Renzo: Oh, yeah! I stashed Kiri's future husband in my closet last year. Still haven't gotten around to him.

2) Snow is pretty! And you can watch it from inside you house- and NOT outside of your classroom! Yay!

Kiri: Wouldn't you want to watch it, say, OUTSIDE?

Jess: No.

Renzo: Cream her! Cream her now!

1) No uniform. Thank. You. Jesus.


Renzo: Is that where her head combusts?

Top Ten Objects That Are and Are Not Your Friends

10) Toast. Friend. It tastes good. 'Nuff said.

Kiri: According to Spencer, Toast is less than techno. I beg to differ.

Renzo: Now I understand why you never get your math homework done.

9) Stairs. NOT Friend. They try to trip you. REGULARLY. How many friends do THAT?

Kiri: I'm sorry if you've figured out how to teleport and fly before us all, but we kind of need those.

Renzo: Wait, friends don't trip you? Then I'm SO NOT YOUR FRIEND!

Jess: *gaspeth*

Renzo: Sorry.

8) Spaghetti Sauce is your, um, frenemy. I mean, when you put it on spaghetti, it's like, "CIAO, BABY!" BUT, on the enemy side, if you spill it on your new white sweater and it never comes out again, you just might cry. A lot. Not that I know from experience or anything.
Renzo: Now, did you spill it before or after Labor Day?--cause I think that matters. *goes on rant*

Kiri: She's going on a rant. I'm not typing that.

7) Blender- compliments of Jen- another frenemy. Ooh, la la when it comes to smoothies, but god, when they splatter your stuff. Uh, yeah. NOT my friend anymore.

Kiri: Dora, dora, doraa the exploraa! BOOTS SOMETHING DORA DORA.

Jess: --What? What are you talking about?!

Renzo: Get on your boots! Like the U2 song! Okay, I love U2. They're awesome.

6) String Cheese- Friend. I mean, it's cheese! In string form! What's better than cheese in string form?

Renzo: Can I sew up my jeans with that? I think I have a hole--and some string cheese...

Kiri: They're rambling. You're missing a whole conversation about nicknames and ...nevermind. I can't even focus. I think they're trying to talk to me--but yeah.

5) Pencil Shavings- Enemy. They're annoying as CRAP. Seriously, I hate them. They get all stuck in your clothes, and on the floor, and all over your desk and... ugh. Enemy.

Renzo: So buy LEAD PENCILS. Although, don't eat it, because lead--no, graphite--is technically bad for you.

Kiri: Do you think she was planning to...?

4) Cellular Devices- Meh, frenemy. I like them... until they get washed. Then I hate them. Because then, they don't friggin' WORK anymore.

Kiri: UH, shouldn't this be about hating washing machines then? The cell phone didn't just go "OH, I feel like a bath today" and hop in the washing machine. First of all, YOU put it there, and second of all, the washing machine WASHED it. The cell phone didn't bathe itself.

Jess: No I didn't! It just so happened that I had to wash my jeans and the cell phone was in my pocket.

Renzo: But then her clothes would be dirty and smell. Besides, the cell phone wasn't a hippie cell phone so it had to take a bath eventually!

1) Floss. Friend. I mean, come on. How is floss NOT your friend? I mean, how many human friends do YOU know that will not only GO IN YOUR MOUTH, but will also clean stuff from between your teeth? I'll tell you: ZERO.

Renzo: Oh, my grandma's nickname is floss! She would NOT be your friend if you got mad--like, if you insulted her macaroni or something, you're going DOWN.

Kiri: Did we ....uh, just skip a couple numbers, or did I not pass kindergarten...?

Jess: I'm going to put them there....eventually....

Top Ten Movies That Need to be Seen Before Death

10) Anything with Madea in it (Tyler Perry movies)

9) The Wedding Singer 

8) Hoodwinked

7) Phone Booth

6) Inside Man

5) Pirates of the Carribean

4) Pleasantville

3) Spiderman (all)

2) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

1) Moulin Rouge

Top Ten Coolest Things in Life

10) lorenzo

9) lorenzo

8) lorenzo

7) LORENZO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6) Lorenzo

5) lorenzo

4) lorenzo

3) lorenzo

2) lorenzo

1) and did I mention LORENZo!!!!!!!!! (no capital o cause she's just that awesome!!!!!!!!!)

Top Ten Coolest Things in Life (the edited not-by-Lorenzo version)

10) Skinny Jeams. ( <3 jeans! >.<)

9) Combat Boots with velcro straps. The ones by Timberland.

8) Japanese People (minus the evil ones- if there are any! ^_^)

7) Fedoras. Yes, the hat.

6) The name 'Gage' (I know two of 'em)

5) Renzo's hair [It's pwetty! (And no, Renzo DIDN'T add that one)]

4) Laptops. (Computerssssss. >.<) 

3) Kiri's drawings! (They're so coolios. Meeese is jealous. SO not gellin')

2) My Mommy. (She's awesomely cool. Don't hate)

1) God. (Seriously, he can do anything. No offence to Atheists)

Alternate 1) Cheese. (If you have dairy issues: HAHA!!! I CAN EAT ICE CREAM AND YOU CAN'T!!!! Ahem.)

Top Ten Reasons Why You Didn't Do Your Homework

10) The ambassador of Transylvania threatened to rid you of all of your bodily fluids unless you drive him to Wawa for coffee and a bagel. Therefore, you had no time to some thing as trivial as HOMEWORK.


9) You are physically unable to do homework before ingesting a large barrel of chocolate pudding. Because of the world’s cacao bean shortage (and the fact that large barrels of pudding are hard to come across and rather expensive) there was no possible way to do homework.


8) Pineapple flavored sneakers are way more intriguing.


7) Two words: Pet Monkeys.


6) Three words, one scary scenario: Mutant Pet Monkeys. No cages.


5) Your homework was struck by lightening and went on a Frankenstein-like monster rampage. (*You can also add for effect, “Look! Behind you, it’s Franken-paper!” But make sure they have a sense of humor first.).


4) You ate it for breakfast. (And add, “What? History homework with a lot of Nutella tastes like a chocolate donut with enough imagination)


3) A ninja swiped, of course.


2) My mythological creature ate. (I’d go with dragon, or giant python if you want something more realistic.


1) Say in a loud, clear voice: “Just say NO to homework!

Top Ten Reasons Why I, Jess, Should Rule the World

10) ...Well, um... I have the evil laugh for it! Whenever I make evilI deligtfully kind laws for all of life kind, lightening  rainbows will appear!

9) My name almost rhymes with the title. I mean what sounds cooler that World Empress Jess Jess? Uh, 'nothing' sound familiar. (At least, you'd better say nothing. I WILL be your empress one day.)

8) I'd make it so currency was little figurines of me. What would be cooler than that?

7) Well, I don't know everything, but I'm always right. SOOOOOO, this goes to say, if I say, "Well, by golly gee whillickers, I should rule the world," then by my troth, I should!

6) I'd make all the scientists in the world ban together to invent a pocket-sized human cloning machine. That way, we could clone every hottie alive. Think that's ridiculous? Oh, but when it happens, I'm not the only one who'll be hussling in line for their pocket-sized Jonas Brother(s)/ Frank Iero/ Bono/ Christian Bale/ Latin Teacher/ general hot guy they saw yesterday etc, not will I? Yeah. DIdn't think so.

5) Transportation? Elephants ALL the WAY.

4) ...I like world ruliing...

3) The army would be replaced with obedient cats. They'll always listen. And cats'll fight anyone because- no matter HOW nice your cat is- cats are the only pets that legit hate EVERYONE.

2) I'm very impartial. I will be just no matter WHO you are. Unless you're stupid... Then... fear me

1) Who else will?

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